Books For Men With NO Time to Read!

Books For Men With NO Time to Read!

Months ago, I published an article recommending 10 books every father should have on his bookshelf. Today, I am adding to that list!

The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation in cooperation with New Growth Press has published a list of 116 mini-books covering about every type of issue you can face in your home. A partial list is provided below.

  • Each booklet is small, only about 4″ x 7″.
  • Each booklet is very brief, only about 25 pages and immediately practical, powerful, and encouraging.
  • I have referred to many of these mini-books, many times over the past several years. What a blessing to be able to get quick answers without having to read a typical 200 page book!
  • I purchased about 50 of these min-books and placed them in a special box that my wife and children can pick up and read as needed. They have proven to be a tremendous help to all of us.
  • The best deal on these mini-books is found at wtsbooks.com.
Partial List
Depression
Anger
Marriage
Stress
Priorities
Pornography
Depression
Suicide
Worry
Thankfulness
Pleasure
OCD
Domestic Abuse
Child Abuse
Bad Memories
ADD
Forgiveness
Pre-Engagement
Procrastination
Self-Injury
Grief
Just One More
Who Should I Date?
Teens and Sex
Suffering
Homoexuality
Sexual Sin
Sexual Addiction
Sex before Marriage
Restoring Your Broken Marriage
How to Talk to Your Kid About Sex
How to Love Difficult People
Family Feuds
Eating Disorders
A Father’s Guide to Raising Boys/Girls

How to Overcome the Martha Complex

Amy woke up feeling like she should have slept with her running shoes on. How would she ever get everything done today? She had the paper plates to pick up for the baby shower she was co-hosting on Saturday. While she was out, she needed to pick up celery and onions. Of all the nights she could have chosen to take the McCabes dinner, WHY had she signed up for tonight? Getting dinner made and delivered before soccer practice at four would require a herculean effort. Then there was the birthday cake for Jake’s birthday. If she was going to get it ready before tomorrow afternoon, it at least had to be baked today so that it would be cool enough to decorate in the morning. She thought to herself, “Maybe I can do that tonight after the kids are in bed?”

Sound familiar? Haven’t we all had days like that? Sometimes there is no way to avoid them, but when they become a regular event, isn’t it time to re-evaluate? Most of the activity we fill our time with can be labeled as “service”, the baby shower, dinner for a friend, birthday parties. We do them because we want our loved ones to know that they are, well… loved.

The re-evaluation needs to come, when we find ourselves defining life in the following terms: burned out, overwhelmed, depressed, unhappy, hopeless, anxious, angry, and resentful. What causes these feelings? Could it be that we are no longer functioning out of genuine love? Let’s consider three ways that we can function wrongly.  If this is an issue for you, I encourage you to take the time to dig deeper to find the root idols at work in your heart.

Validation

It is easy for people, especially stay-at-home moms, to feel somewhat invisible.  Most of our work is done under the radar and out of sight.  Have you ever thought about how rarely we take note of a clean bathroom, but it is always noticed when it’s dirty? Often, what we DO goes unseen. In such situations, it is easy to feel unimportant. So, we tend to be drawn to those projects and activities where our DOING is seen so that we feel productive and valuable. Of course, there is nothing wrong with hosting a shower or organizing an event.  It is only a problem when we wrap our worth up in our DOING these things.

The remedy: Remember that our worth is one hundred percent perfect in Christ (2 Cor. 5:21). We don’t need to validate ourselves.  It’s a good thing too, because on our own, we are completely incapable!

 

Justification

Sometimes we can feel like such a failure in one area of our life, that it seems easier to just “escape” to something else where outward success is more easily seen.  Maybe it is a hard relationship: a disinterested husband or challenging child. Whatever, it is just easier to busy yourself with a committee at church or sign up to be team mom. We begin to feel that if we can prove our self in this project, it somehow translates that things are okay in other areas. Avoidance will never fix the problems we have. In fact, they will only get worse.

The remedy: God knows life is messy.  He knew about it before we existed.  He has provided our justification (Romans 5:1).  We cannot justify ourselves. Only Jesus justifies us. As we dwell on that truth our hearts will be set right for dealing with the challenges from the right perspective.

Protection

This last area is closely linked to the first two. We can involve ourselves in projects and activities out of fear.  We may be afraid that someday we will need help and have no one around.  We respond to this concern by keeping ourselves involved in other’s lives, actively looking for ways to help out or serve so that one day when we need help, they will hopefully remember all that we’ve done for them. This really at its core, is an attempt to take matters into our own hands.

The remedy: Remember who holds the ocean in his hands.  When we are in Christ, he has us covered (Col. 3:3). We don’t have to fear the future (Matthew 6:25-34).

When we find our validation, our justification and our protection in God alone, first and foremost, then can truly love and serve others. Our doing becomes a joyous “Thank you!” to God for all the riches we have in Him. This is how we can overcome the Martha Complex.

Make Knowing Jesus Your Goal This Year

 

What goals will make the biggest difference in your life this year? Losing weight, spending less, and saving more are worthy goals. But what happens if your paycheck shrinks like a cheap cotton T-shirt and you can no longer afford the organic Kohlrabi you love so much? You might even be reduced to buying groceries…at Dollar Tree. Let’s consider a different goal. How about the goal of improving our relationships?

Years come and go and it’s hard not to wax a bit disappointed or even jaded about relationships. In particular, I am thinking about those relationships that suck the life out of us, send us through the seventh circle of frustration, or compare well to regular root canals. Usually, these relationships are in our own home or church.

Will This be a Good Year for Your Relationships?

What are you going to do differently this year? What will help you to be a more effective spouse or parent? I’d like to suggest a goal that I am certain will help. How about the goal of digging deep into the glory of Christ? Does that sound too heavenly minded to be any earthly good?

If you think I’m wackamo, then I appeal to the highly respected Puritan, John Owen. Owen writes prolifically about the glory of God in his work, The Glory of Christ:

A constant view of the glory of Christ will revive our souls and cause our spiritual lives to flourish and thrive. Our souls will be revived by the transforming power with which beholding Christ is always accompanied. This is what transforms us daily into the likeness of Christ. So let us live in constant contemplation of the glory of Christ, and power will then flow from him to us, healing all our declensions, renewing a right spirit in us and enabling us to abound in all the duties that God requires of us…such as building relationships! (Author’s addition in bold)

Only one thing will eclipse the challenges we face in our relationships: our joy in Christ. Owen describes the glory of Christ as “an anchor they may cast within the veil, to hold them firm and steadfast in all their trials.”

The dissonance in our relationships often reveals that we are anchoring ourselves onto something –or someone—other than God. No one can be the source of supply for someone else. We must first find our supply in God alone so that we can be free to be God’s instrument in their lives. Otherwise, idolatry will get in the way and we will have to endure another year of relational discontent.

Show Me Your Glory!

The struggles we face are elements in a sovereign plan for our growth in the image of Christ. Indeed we were created for glory. And in heaven we will all be about one thing: God’s glory. Our preparation for heaven boils down to growing in a passionate pursuit of God’s glory. Our souls need to be lifted up out of our individual cesspools and the only thing capable of doing that is the transcendent reality that is the glory of God as seen in the person and work of Jesus Christ. Seeing Jesus is satisfying, most especially in those moments of trouble or seasons of disquiet.

Moses asked to see God’s glory in the midst of his trial leading Israel (Exodus 33:22). But all Moses was shown was a glimpse of God’s glory as it quickly passed by. Since then, Scripture tells us that man has actually seen Jesus; the very Son of God. He has listened to him, eaten with him, touched him, and been touched by him. We today continue to see him in the scriptures. One day we will see him perfectly, in all of his glory.

Our relational struggles are teachers that help us to see how we are deficient in desiring God’s glory.

How do we see God’s Glory?

Seeing God’s glory is different from what we typically do in devotions. Devotions can often be dry and, well, “informational”. We might think to ourselves, “Wow. I’ve never seen before that the first four commandments deal with our relationship with God and the last six deal with our relationship with our fellow man.” Or, “Finally! I now know where Paul went on each of his missionary journeys.” For sure, these are good things to know. But by themselves they are mere information that we normally file away in our brains. Algebraic Theorems could be just as exciting. We can miss the bigger picture.

Jesus says in John 5:39, “You search the scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me.” Scripture is the Fort Knox of God’s Glory in this life. From Creation and on through the Old Testament we see Christ exemplified in key people we read about (typology). We see Christ in the ceremonial laws; the priesthood, the sacrifices, and the sanctuary. We see Christ in the redemption of his people out of Egypt, and later out of the hands of various enemy nations. And then, in the New Testament, Christ comes and we actually see how Christ fully, perfectly fulfills the law for us.

Seeing God’s Glory Helps us Build Better Relationships

Information does not save us! A person—Jesus Christ—does. He saves us for a relationship that is so close that its archetype is the Trinity itself (John 17:24). We are vicariously united with Christ in his death and his resurrection (Rom. 6:1-2). We are, now “Hidden in Christ” (Col. 3:3). This is a glorious reality that should fill us with impenetrable delight as we dwell upon it. As we dwell on it, intentionally, each day, it lifts our souls, filling them with satisfaction so that we can build even our most difficult relationships.

Ten Books for Every Mother’s Bookshelf

Listed in no particular order.  The books are clickable for your browsing ease. Some are duplicates from the father’s bookshelf.  They’re just that good;)

1. Women of the Word

This is a superb overview on reading and studying the Bible with your mind and heart.  She simply walks you through a step by step process that you can apply in your personal devotion time.

2. Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer

Want practical relationship help? Here you go! I can’t say enough about the ways this book has blessed me and helped me work through struggles with others.

3. Treasuring Christ When Your Hands are Full

Eric got me this for Christmas a couple of years ago, and I just gobbled it up.  An absolute gem for any busy momma!

4. New Mercies Every Morning

My copy of this dear book has coffee stains and bent pages with a warped cover! I read it last year and this year we are reading it as a family incorporated into family devotions!

5. Relationships a Mess Worth Making

Another amazing Paul Tripp, Tim Lane resource! So many helpful insights.

6. Mom Enough

Love, love, love this FREE resource from Desiring God.  An excellent collection of encouraging articles.

7. Peacemaker

This is another very practical resource.  We use the PAUSE method for working through conflict that is defined in this book.

8. The Young Peacemakers

We have gone through this as a family a few times.  It brings important heart level issues down to a child’s level.  Great for elementary through high school!

9. The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment

This old re-printed puritan book is not for the faint of heart.  It is heady reading and requires intention, but there are gems of great encouragement. (pun intended!)

10. ESV Study Bible (or ESV Transformation Bible)

What is Heart Journaling?

dscn3488We experience it everyday… something sets us off, we know our heart is not right in the situation, but how do we begin to work through the problem and “preach the gospel” to ourselves?  For years I struggled with this concept. I knew there was a problem but did not feel equipped to deal with it in a fruitful way.

Today, I want to share a simple outline created by Covenant PCA’s Pastor John Neal. I have found this immensely helpful in working through heart issues in a clear and concise way.  I have used it in conflict with others as well as just dealing with my own wrong attitudes.  I call it “Heart Journaling” because journaling is very important to the process.

I will briefly walk through the process in an easy to remember system. We also have a handy PDF document that goes into great detail about what I share briefly below. Download that document, here.  We can call this “The ABC’s of Heart Journaling”.

  • We begin with the “Activating event”. What is the issue that has you upset? Simply state it in a sentence or two.
  • Next, think through your “Beliefs”. What are the thoughts and feelings that are stirring you up; causing you to respond wrongly?
  • Circumstances”. Narrow things down to the sin: the idol: the root issue.
  • Next, “Dispute” sinful, idolatrous, distorted thinking with truth!
  • Finally, “Enact!” Pray for the grace and power of the Lord who is the Spirit of freedom.

I hope you find this as helpful and encouraging as I have!  God’s plan includes using the conflicts and trials of life to sanctify us. Heart journaling will help you seize those opportunities for this purpose. Enjoy “The ABC’s of Heart Journaling“!

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